Dear Soggy Teabags,
I am writing to inform you as the leader of the Republican Soggy Teabag party that secession makes sense from an economic, political, and historical perspective.
But before I elaborate on anything else: national security. We won't have to conduct secret rendition flights all the way to Europe any longer. No, my fine soggy friends, everyone knows that Texas is bigger than France (my bumper sticker says so!). As the great candidate liability Sarah Palin said here in this sentence(?) also:
That is the whole goal here in fighting terrorism also. [what wisdom!]
Well, the real first of all: the economy. Texas has the bestest economy of all the states. So sorry Michigan doesn't have big oil or Halliburton, but Texans don't want to pay federal taxes for black people unemployment in Michigan. Can you blame them? They are hard working teabaggers like you and me. Besides, everything is bigger in Texas, and if Texas were to secede they could really grow their economy bigger than that other quasi-European place: California. That would be better for all patriotic Americans.